and i'll hold you until you fall asleep
by xoxomolls
Summary: It may have been the middle of the day and there may be a whole lot of questions waiting for them outside the dorm room, but for now, all that mattered was that Midoriya was safe in his arms and he didn't have any intention of letting him go. Todoroki/Midoriya Shouto/Izuku


**Title:** and I'll hold you until you fall asleep

 **Characters/Pairings:** Midoriya/Todoroki, various friendships

 **Summary:** It may have been the middle of the day and there may be a whole lot of questions waiting for them outside the dorm room, but for now, all that mattered was that Midoriya was safe in his arms and he didn't have any intention of letting him go.

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

 _Midoriya is surrounded by trees—talk, dark, and looming over him like outstretched limbs reaching towards him. He can feel his body shake, sweat sliding down his face. His legs ache from running and when he looks at his hands, he can see the sticky, red substance dripping from his fingertips._

 _He can hear screaming and yelling and he knows that there are villains chasing him. Villains with dark eyes and even darker motives._

 _There are bodies everywhere, unrecognizable figures scattered around him, but he doesn't look at them, knowing somehow that he can't help them. He runs, his feet slamming against the dirt, his ankle pleading with him to slow down._

 _And then, just barely, he sees something out of the corner of his eye. He turns and finds himself falling, crashing into the ground. The familiar red and white hair stands out in all the green and browns._

 _He feels his heart stop._

 _"Todoroki," he whispers and then he's running and dropping to his knees clumsily, holding the boy's face between his hands. He sees the blood covering his shirt and it breaks him a little bit._

 _"No, Todoroki, no. Wake up. You have to wake up," he pleads, his voice desperate._

 _But he knows that it's too late. Todoroki's eyes are wide open, staring blankly at something in the distance. His skin is pale and cold, even on his left side. Midoriya knows he's crying, but can't bring himself to stop. He runs his fingers down the boy's cheeks and feels the guilt coursing through him._

 _"I'm so sorry I couldn't save you."_

 _There are footsteps behind him and then there's blood seeping from his lips and he looks down, tilting his head curiously at the sword protruding out of his chest. It burns and it feels like he's on fire._

 _A cruel voice gives off a low, somber chuckle. "I warned you that you couldn't save them all."_

 _He falls to the side, his hand still holding onto Todoroki's and everything goes black._

When Midoriya shoots awake, he can't breathe. His lungs are screaming at him, struggling to get any oxygen and he doesn't know what to do. He can still see Todoroki lying dead in front of him, lifeless and broken. He can feel the scream bubbling at his throat, threatening to come out, but he swallows it.

He touches his chest, closing his eyes and inhaling heavily.

This isn't the first nightmare. And it won't be the last. He's probably gotten three hours of sleep the whole week and it's starting to show. He can only avoid Uraraka and Iida's concerned and probing glances for so long.

He drags a hand over his face, sighing. He can't do this anymore. He can't watch Todoroki die over and over and over again every night.

The clock blinks at him from the corner.

Three a.m.

He's exhausted and his entire body feels heavy, but he can't risk it. He forces himself to stand up, his legs shaking, but thankfully holding his weight. As he opens the small fridge in his dorm, he makes a mental note to thank Kirishima for giving him copious amounts of caffeinated drinks last weekend. He pops open an energy drink and gulps in down in a few seconds, desperate to keep himself from falling asleep again.

It only takes a few minutes for the buzzing to settle in his chest, making his legs shake and his hands twitch. He doesn't look at the other side of the room, not wanting to see the dozens of empty soda cans littered across the floor.

He sits at his desk and pulls out his hero notebook and prepares to write. He needs to keep himself busy.

...

Todoroki is no stranger to nightmares. It's been a few years since they've been bad, but he can remember a childhood filled with dreams that terrified him. Dreams of his father and raised fists.

He's also no stranger to Midoriya, which is why he's so concerned about the boy. He had first noticed it a few days ago. The dark, pronounced circled under his eyes and the way his shoulders were permanently hung low. He watches the shorter boy as he digs his fingers into his thigh during class whenever he starts to drift off. He sees the barely concealed fear and desperation in his eyes, the emotions that he's barely keeping contained.

He wanted to say something, but he didn't want to overstep. More than that, he had seen the way Midoriya's fake smile had cracked whenever Uraraka tried to corner him in the classroom. He had watched his friend hold on by a thread at Iida's intense questioning and repeated queries. He didn't want to be the reason Midoriya broke.

So, for now at least, he was simply keeping an eye on the boy, watching him carefully for the moment where he needed to intervene.

He knew he wasn't the only one who had noticed. He had seen Tokoyami's careful glances and Yaoyorozu's worried frowns. Even Bakugo had picked up on the tension and had avoided antagonizing Midoriya, instead choosing to glare in his direction, his eyebrows furrowed in concern.

...

Midoriya feels his face heat up as he walked into class the next morning. His entire body ached and he was more than surprised that his legs hadn't given out on the way to the classroom. He dropped into his chair with a sigh, his head spinning. He couldn't remember the last time he ate. Or drank something besides caffeine for that matter.

He rubbed his temples gingerly, closing his eyes briefly. Immediately, flashes of Todoroki's corpse shot through his mind and he blinked, gasping involuntarily. He can feel the stares on his back and he ignores them, pinching his leg in an effort to keep himself awake.

He can't fall asleep. Especially not here. In front of everyone.

He can hear it now.

Kacchan screaming that he's weak and stupid. The pitying glances and the judgmental looks.

He shakes his head. No. He can't have that. He can't be a hero if a dumb nightmare completely puts him out of commission. He can do this. He just has to stay awake.

Throughout class, he holds a blinking contest with himself, forcing his eyes open until they start to water and burn in an effort to keep the pictures of Todoroki's body away.

He straightens his back when Aizawa walks in, sluggish as always, but it only holds for a few seconds until his muscles give out, collapsing again.

He doesn't notice the way Aizawa hesitates when his eyes pass over the green-haired boy, a note of confusion in his expression.

...

Todoroki walks into class and immediately spots Midoriya, leaning forward in his chair, looking pale and cold. If he looks closely enough, he can see the boy's small frame shivering violently, his teeth chattering together quietly.

Midoriya's eyes are sunken, with almost black patches underneath, and the way it seems like his body is weighted down by some imaginary terror. His shirt hangs off his thin frame and Todoroki can clearly see that the boy has lost a lot of weight.

He mentally kicks himself, wondering how he let it get this bad. How did no one notice that it had got to this point?

He's about to walk over to him when Aizawa walks in, bored as usual. He doesn't miss the way the teacher's eyes stop on Midoriya and a pained expression flashes across his face.

He meets the man's eyes and nods towards Midoriya, hoping that the teacher will get the message.

 _I'm going to save him. I promise. I've got him._

Aizawa stares at him for a moment, then nods in understanding.

When he takes his seat in the row next to Midoriya, he knows that he won't be paying attention to the lesson. He studies the boy carefully, frowning when he sees the deep crescent marks on his arms where Midoriya digs his nails into his skin. He can see the scratches even from a few seats away and the specks of blood makes his heart ache.

Class goes by slowly, but Todoroki is on his foot the moment Aizawa dismisses them.

"Midoriya," he calls, causing the boy to look at him. "Come walk with me."

It hurts him to see the boy struggle to stand, his arms shaking as he picks up his backpack. Todoroki wants nothing more than to sweep him into his arms and carry him home, but he needs to be precise in his words and actions.

"Okay, Todoroki," Midoriya replies, walking over to him.

Todoroki offers his arm, breathing a sigh of relief when the boy takes it without protest. He leads him out into the hall and then to the elevator, noting the way Midoriya is leaning his weight on him.

He likes it, if he's being honest.

"What did you need?" Midoriya murmurs, leaning his head against Todoroki's shoulder.

"Let's talk in my dorm. More privacy. Is that okay?"

The other boy nods and remains silent.

As they walk, Todoroki can feel the boy leaning more heavily on him with each step, clearly exhausted. It sends a pang through his chest.

By the time they make it to his room, Todoroki is practically carrying the smaller boy, though he doesn't mind at all. He looks down at the curly, green hair and smiles fondly, nuzzling his chin against the top of Midoriya's head.

Todoroki unlocks his dorm and leads his friend inside, gently pushing him onto the bed. Midoriya doesn't fight it, instead choosing to immediately curl up against the sheets.

However, it doesn't last long before the green-haired boy's eyes shoot open and he looks around anxiously.

"Wait. No. I can't. I have to go," he says frantically, trying to push himself up.

Todoroki intervenes quickly, pressing against the boy's shoulders. "Midoriya, hey. It's okay. I'm here. Just lay down, okay? I'm right here."

...

Midoriya wants to sleep. But he can't, he reminds himself. He sees the nightmare flash through his mind and he squeezes his nails into his palms.

But Todoroki's voice is in his ear, soft and gentle, and it makes him feel safe. He's here. The sheets are soft and they smell like pine and snow and _Todoroki._

He sits up, taking a deep breath and forcing his eyes open. The world is blurry for a second, but then it evens out and he is staring into Todoroki's eyes.

"I can't sleep. I just can't."

Todoroki nods. "Nightmares, right?"

"How did you know that?" he asks, something uncomfortable bouncing around in his chest.

The taller boy offers him a sad smile. "I've been there before."

Midoriya is about to ask when, but the question dies on his lips as Todoroki creates a small ball of flame in his palm.

Endeavor, he thinks. Of course it's Endeavor.

A rush of hot anger flows through him and his nails dig into his skin deeper. The Number Two Hero always ignites a fierce anger in him. He can still remember the look in Todoroki's eyes when he told him about his aversion to using his left side. He wants more than anything to make the temperamental man pay for hurting his friend.

"I'm sorry," he says.

Todoroki shrugs and says, "They've basically gone away. My point is, I understand why you are avoiding sleep. But you're hurting yourself. You need to sleep or you're going to put yourself in the hospital." He reaches out to take the shorter boy's hand and looks at him sincerely. "Please try to sleep. I'll stay right here with you."

"Okay," Midoriya concedes, not able to refuse the pleading expression on his friend's face.

He curls up on his side, offering Todoroki a nervous smile as the boy covers him in a blanket.

"Thank you, Todoroki."

"Always, Midoriya. Get some rest. I'm not going anywhere."

...

Todoroki sits on the edge of the bed, dragging a hand softly through his friend's hair, watching as Midoriya's chest starts to rise and fall rhythmically.

"Oh, Midoriya. What am I going to do with you?"

He stares at the boy's face, studying the long eyelashes and soft skin and tiny nose. He stays there for a few minutes, just watching Midoriya sleep. Then, he carefully stands up and walks to the desk, content to do some homework until he wakes up, hopefully rested and relaxed.

He's halfway through a project he has to do on his favorite hero when he hears a small whimper. He turns around quickly, just in time to see Midoriya shoot up, a piercing scream shooting out of his throat. He knows that it's likely others heard the scream, and he hopes that they don't come to investigate. He doesn't think Midoriya would appreciate the crowd.

His eyes widen and he stumbles over himself trying to get to his friend. He wraps his fingers around the shorter boy's shoulders, shaking him firmly.

"Midoriya. Wake up. It's just a dream. Wake up, Midoriya. Come on. I'm here."

The green-haired boy stirs, his mouth twisted into a tormented expression that breaks Todoroki's heart. His eyes open slowly and he blinks, looking afraid and confused.

"Todoroki?"

"I'm right here, Midoriya. It's okay."

"You're alive. You're really okay. You're not dead. He didn't get you," the boy whispers, tears streaming down his cheeks as he chokes on sobs.

Todoroki frowns. "What are you talking about? Who didn't get me?"

Midoriya throws himself into his friend's embrace, wrapping his arms around his neck and holding on tight.

"it's the same thing every time. There are villains and they're chasing me and then I find you. But it's too late and you're dead and I can't save you. I wasn't strong enough to save you," Midoriya cries, his fingers clutching Todoroki's shirt.

Todoroki closes his eyes and exhales heavily. He's the reason Midoriya is having nightmares? He caused all of this? He hugs his friend to his chest, squeezing him, his hands sliding under the hem of his shirt and tracing patterns on soft skin.

Just then, the door swings open and a red-faced Bakugo storms in, hands held in front of him as he surveys the small room.

"Where is he," Bakugo growls before his eyes fall on the trembling boy in Todoroki's arms. His eyes soften for a moment and he takes a step closer, his hands faltering and falling to his side.

Midoriya's shaking intensifies as he squeezes his eyes shut, desperation coming out in broken whimpers.

Todoroki holds him closer and brings a hand to the back of his neck, softly playing with the curls he finds there. He presses his lips to the other boy's forehead, keeping them there for a long moment.

"It's okay, Midoriya. I'm right here. I'm okay. I promise. I'm right here," Todoroki whispers.

Bakugo's sneer is replaced by a satisfied expression. "Take care of him, Icyhot."

Todoroki can hear the warning in his tone, so he nods, his attention focused on the boy in his arms.

"I'll take care of anyone who comes to see what's going on. I'm pretty sure the damn nerd woke up everyone in the building," Bakugo says. He touches Midoriya on the shoulder, gives it a gentle squeeze, and disappears, closing the door quietly behind him.

Todoroki breathes in deeply and rocks back and forth, trying to calm his friend's crying. Eventually, it dies down to a hiccup every now and then.

"I'm sorry," Midoriya says weakly.

"Hey," Todoroki replies, taking the boy's face in his hands, "You have nothing to be sorry for. Do you hear me? Nothing. I'm not going anywhere, okay? I will be here for as long as you need me."

Midoriya meets his eyes and looks at him for a second before nodding. "Okay."

"Now, do you think it will help if I stay here on the bed with you?"

Redness spreads up Midoriya's neck and quickly covers his cheeks. "I don't want to bother you. I'm being stupid. Nightmares shouldn't be affecting me this much. I'm sorry." He feels tears welling in his eyes again, but he can't stop talking. "Maybe I'm just not meant to be a hero. Maybe I'm not strong enough. If I can't even save dream you, than how am I supposed to save –"

Todoroki interrupts his tangent by pulling the boy towards him and crashing their lips together. His hand sneaks to the back of his neck and holds him close. After a few seconds pass, he nervously lets go, dropping his arms from Midoriya. He glances at the floor, twisting his fingers together anxiously.

"I'm sorry," Todoroki says quietly, refusing to meet his friend's eyes. He can already hear the rejection and feel it breaking his heart in half. He shouldn't have done that. "I just needed you to know how much you matter to me. You're not a burden. You never have been and you never will be." He looks up then, staring at Midoriya, his voice full of conviction and honesty.

...

Midoriya's eyes are wide and shocked, his mouth parted in surprise.

He is confused and he doesn't know what to think. Could Todoroki possibly feel the same way that he does? He stares at the boy in front of him, taking in the way he bit his lip and the glint in his eye.

Then, he reaches up slowly and caresses his friend's cheek, rubbing slow circles with his thumb. He leans forward and kissed Todoroki, his other arm falling leisurely around his waist.

"I love you," Midoriya whispers. "And I would really like it if you would stay with me."

Todoroki smiles. "I love you too."

He curls around the smaller boy, wrapping his arms around his waist and pressing his nose into his hair. Midoriya smells like spearmint and fresh air and home. Todoroki leaves lazy kisses against the other boy's neck before promising, "I'm right here."

As Midoriya drifts to sleep with soft and gentle hands brushing against his skin, Todoroki watches him sleep with a fond smile.

It may have been the middle of the day and there may be a whole lot of questions waiting for them outside the dorm room, but for now, all that matters is that Midoriya is safe in his arms and he doesn't have any intention of letting him go.


End file.
